Sometimes I think living in the desert makes it easier to understand what "refreshment" feels like.....it almost always includes water as well as getting away. It is challenging to escape the heat here - but when one does it is rejuvenating. I find my own walk with Christ is the same way.....when I am discouraged, frustrated, or just dry in my communion with the Lord it takes some "washing" in the waters of who Christ is coupled with "getting away" for quiet to reconnect to a loving God who is always there waiting for me patiently.
Just as a dip in the swimming pool or a cold shower after a long day renews me, so it is when I physically go away from my family and seek the Lord. This is what I did last weekend as I attended a leadership retreat for those serving at Hope Women's Center. My dear friends who run the Center desired for us who attended to grow closer to our Lord and set up the weekend so that we might find Him. How thankful I am to be surrounded by these sisters in fellowship! We enjoyed the cool aspens of Pinetop, beautiful accomodations, great food, coffee, chocolate, and genuine love. Even though I really didn't know everyone well our bond in Christ melted the walls that could have been there. Since we all honestly wanted to grow in our lives with Christ, great things happened.
A year ago my decision about whether to give of my time to this women's center was difficult - Do I really have time to give outside of my kids and husband? How will I accomplish all that needs to be done for homeschooling? What about my church commitments? What about keeping my house the way I neurotically like to? All valid questions, my experience has shown me that when the Lord calls me to a job He equips me and multiplies my time - and blesses me. Reflecting on this past weekend makes me overflow with gratitude for the opportunity to contribute to the work at Hope - while basking in the love and friendship of the others who are serving there.
I anticipated a meaningful time but was not prepared for a new lease on life. Since the topic of the weekend (besides eating great food and drinking obscene amounts of coffee) was "Developing Intimacy with God" I had high hopes of learning tools for a better prayer life. This area has always been a struggle for me. As I've talked with other mature believers and hear about their deep sessions of prayer or great "conversations" with God I've often been left to wonder....what is wrong with me? Why do I not experience this? Why is it so difficult for me to truly love Jesus the way others seem to - and with that, lack the peace and joy I see others experience?
We were blessed to be led through the weekend by a dear friend of one of our directors who shared her experience with a struggling marriage and how God came to her in a real way through a book called "Developing Intimacy with God": An eight week prayer guide based on Ignatius' "Spiritual Exercises." I have to admit - prior to coming I was skeptical - who in the world was Ignatius - and what is a "spiritual exercise"? Sounded strange to me! Beth humbly and lovingly introduced us to the ideas in the book and walked us through several of the exercises throughout the weekend. I was blown away at how God spoke to me through this new way of praying through scripture. God came to visit and speak with me.
I realized that when reading the bible I tend to "bypass verses that speak of Jesus' compassion and graciousness and instead gravitate to verses in the same passage that reveal deficiencies on the part of the disciples or other persons in the narrative. Rather than rejoice in the virtues of Christ, I see myself in the shortcomings of others, pray for forgiveness, and make resolutions to do better."
My focus is most often on my "deficiencies rather than on the goodness and loving-kindness of God". I have endeavored to increase my love for God in an inefficient way. I thought I could "make changes in my behavior through my efforts - neglecting the fact that I must go through a process of inner transformation."
If I desire personal transformation, in this book, Alex Aronis suggests it takes place "as a result of noticing in increasing depths how wonderful Jesus is. " He challenged me to "take my eyes off myself and fix my eyes on Christ"....noticing how great he is, looking for qualities that I can admire, and observing the many reasons he is worthy to be my Lord. Even though over the years I have known that the purpose of my devotions was to experience intimacy with the Father, with Jesus, with the Spirit - I didn't know how necessarily to accomplish that outside of simply "studying" scripture.
So now I am beginning my "8 week exercises"....on a quest for: "Intimate knowledge of Christ that I might be with him, become like him, and live for him." I am excited because I KNOW God will show up.....He is trustworthy and created me and knows me, and wants to be with me. He is capable of changing me and can produce the joy and peace I long for.
What is better than that?
All quotes from Developing an Intimacy with God - Alex Aronis
Art and Nellie were married over 50 years ago after both of them lost their first spouses. My mother's birthmother (Art's wife) died of cancer leaving mom and Steve....and then Nellie's husband died while a prisoner of war on a Japanese ship in World War II. My uncle John was their only child. The two families merged and uncle Tom was born - making the grand total 3 boys and 1 girl (my mom). Blending families is never easy - and I am gathering from stories that this was no exception, but it is a blessing to see how close all the siblings are today. There have been a lot of tough times....including the loss of uncle John in a plane crash when I was very young and uncle Steve is still battling cancer. Grandma died in December of 2008 and Grandpa just this January of 2010. 
