for those wondering....

For those wondering what Jonathan does while the rest of us are doing school......here is a "snapshot".  I should mention however that these are somewhat rare moments, but he does love to be next to the kids while they are doing their work.  Sometimes he is playing in the same room and that is good enough - but all of them love it when he snuggles up next to them for love.  Other activities he has participated in this week:  jumping on the mini-trampoline while singing his "trampoline song", climbing to the top of his sister's bunk bed and jumping on the bed, sitting on the kitchen table and pouring out the entire salt container all over the place, throwing a HUGE rock and hitting Allison square on the head, and jumping on the guest bed and then proceeding to fall and get stuck in the crack behind it!  For those of you concerned that his mother is not giving him proper supervision, I guess the case could be made-but one does have to go the bathroom, switch the laundry, and sometimes answer the phone!  Also, save the comments or grief about the binky in every picture - yes I can hear you all now - he would talk if he didn't have that thing stuck in his mouth all the time or whatever the anti-pacifier camp says.  So far this is close to the only thing we have found that even begins to turn the volume down or off!  (If there is a switch in boys that I don't know about please let me know!) 

SCC on Focus on the Family

Steven Curtis Chapman will be on Focus on the Family with Dr. James Dobson for 3 days Monday-Wednesday this week.  Here is the link to listen online.  The link is in the upper right hand corner of the page.

olympic thrills

Well another Olympics has come and gone.....sure went by fast!  This time watching was double fun since the kids were totally into it.  I know Merl is happy to have the TV turned back off - and I will be glad to get back to sleeping again!  Thought I would share a few of the highlights for the Millers....

1) Michael "Phipes" as pronounced by Allie.  I think our favorite event to watch was the swimming.  What a show that was.  As you can see from the above photo - Ryan has been impersonating Mr. Phelps non-stop.  While swimming with friends there have been many "races".  Not only did we appreciate Phelps' humble attitude but good conduct (which we cannot say for other sports as much - I'll get to that).  I also enjoyed watching Dara Torrez swim for all of us who just don't have a body like that any more!  Wow - impressive.  I have to say the competitor in me ached for her when she lost the gold by .01 of a second!

2) Gymnastics is always great - though I have a difficult time watching any sport that is judged.  It drives me insane.  You never REALLY know who did what, when and how well.  Just race or keep scorer and see who wins for heaven's sake!  I loved Jonathan Horton - how he rallied the men's team who was supposed to do "so, so" - to the silver medal and then winning his own in the high bar - swinging himself around like no tomorrow.  

3)  OK - so of course I love watching the track and field - it is where my heart is but I sure was disappointed in the "I am so great attitudes" all the way around.  Yikes - kind of embarrassing.  Though there were some not that way.  Allison Felix is my favorite.  I was a little sad she didn't win the gold in the 200 but she was very gracious and positive about it - thankful to be there.  Lots of heart wrenching moments like when Lolo Jones fell in the hurdles.....sort of irritating both 4X100 teams dropped the stick - but anyway that is what happens.  I was still glued to it all.

4) Probably the most surprising but fun aspect for us was beach volleyball.....how you ask?  Well for one thing Ryan enjoyed watching Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh a little TOO much.  I just wish those girls wore more clothes!  Anyway - we watched the gold medal match and Madison was really into the volleyball as well as Allie and Ryan.  After they won the gold, the commentator asked Misty what she was going to do when she returned to the States...."I am going to go to a Marlins game." (Hubby is catcher for Marlins).  Ryan turned to me wide eyed....."Maybe she is coming to the game Saturday!" (Marlins vs. D-backs and we were going).  I of course said "yeah, right- I don't think so honey. " But there we were in the 8th inning and who do they show on the jumbo tron but "Misty May-Treanor - Olympic gold medalist!"  We all went wild and there she was several sections over from us!  After the game she was signing autographs and the kids got up to the front - could have touched her medal around her neck which she was wearing.  Unfortunately she left before they got an autograph but it was what they talked about the whole way home.  Allison was spending a lot of time trying to figure it all out:  How did this person she recognized from China get all the way here?  "Do she live in China?"  "No, Allie - she lives in Florida"......"She play bolleyball on TV?"  "Yes, Allie - remember she got that very gold medal that was around her neck."  "How her get out of the TV to come to the game?"  Madison and Ryan's explanation to that is too long to write - but man did we laugh!  

That probably is the closest I will ever get to an Olympic gold medal - wow was it awesome.  Ryan sweetly said, "Don't worry mom, maybe someday I can win one and you can HOLD it!"  Maybe - but it would never be as precious as those 4 jewels I get to hold and touch everyday.....I wouldn't trade for it - no way.

friends

I just have to say that it is a blessing to have wonderful friends (well and family too).  I so appreciate the intimacy of being able to pick up the phone or drop a quick email about anything - and just know I am cared for or can care for my friends....even if it is a "small issue" of little importance.  Some days it is huge - like needing help when your knee is locked and you can't walk but have a 1 week old baby and 3 other kids!  Other days it is only a decorating 911 emergency like the one I had yesterday.....after shopping for 6 months for some living room furniture I saw a deal online used that seemed too good to pass up - except it wasn't really what we wanted - just cheap.  I sent out 911 messages to a few of my "decorating consultant" friends (love ya Amy and Karen!) and also emailed back and forth to mom about it.  All 3 of them responded almost immediately and talked me through the dilemma.  This is what I found out:  Friends don't let friends buy ugly gray couches!

seasons of life - Phase 4

Interesting day - not really outstanding for a specific reason (except Happy Birthday Dad!) - but reflective.  Life is so up and down if you ask me.....I mean one moment you can be on top of the world (just ask Michael Phelps!), and the next day a totally different scenario.  It seems I don't have a lot of time to really reflect or look back on my life.  Tonight I was driving home from my parents' house with 3 of 4 kids (2 asleep and 1 reading) so it was just the radio and I.  My mind drifted......we've been watching the Olympics which always brings back the kid in me. I remember at the age of 8 watching and thinking it was so cool!  After winning the long jump at  Nationals when I was 10 I dreamed like lots of other kids of going to Olympics myself.   I had an exciting 13 years of competition...great experiences and trials.  After college that was it for me and my poor body - a season of life over.  No regrets.....one advantage from all those hours injured in the training room during college - marrying one of the athletic trainers!  But I always get to relive those emotions and love of competing when the Olympics are on.  It is fun - until I get off the couch and I can hardly walk because of my bad knee!

I sort of consider my youth/athletic career as phase 1 of my life.....then there was phase 2.  I guess phase 2 was getting married and figuring out a new identity.  So began almost 10 years of working in adoption/foster care  and serving in Bible Study Fellowship.  What another great bunch of years.  I had the opportunity to work with so many wonderful people.  I treasure those years serving in BSF with the most incredible women.  I miss that time - it was a privilege.  I was thinking about it a lot today because Merl spent the day in Tucson training with many of those dear friends for his new role as teaching leader in the men's BSF class here.  Now he has the privilege to serve the Lord in this new phase of his life - one I am sure he will love.  It is just as exhilarating as winning an athletic event to serve in this way!  

Phase 2 ran into Phase 3 a little - even after Madison, Ryan, and  Allison were born I still was working in social work and serving in BSF - but the Lord began to make it clear that these "seasons" were drawing to a close.  While it was difficult to leave my track career behind - it was even more challenging to transition from and leave work and BSF in order to grow as a wife and mom.  The Lord was calling us as a family to homeschool - something I had often said I would "never do".  Lord, why are you asking me to do this?  Why when these other parts of my life I LOVE so much?  "Trust me" He says - without showing me the entire picture.  So many times I would wonder when older women would say to me "there is a season in life for blah, blah......."  Why does there have to be seasons?  Why can't we just keep doing everything we like to do?  The experience of changing diapers and breaking up fights between siblings is different from standing on the medal podium.  The gratification is not quite as immediate.  At least it SEEMS it is not......but scripture says that we are not always going to understand what is going on around us or why even situations are occurring.  The Lord designed it this way.  Not to make us miserable but in order to keep us looking to Him for our fulfillment - not all around us.  Boy do I need some work there.

Yes - I was thinking about all that in the car during my VERY unusual opportunity to reflect (for 23 minutes).  Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3.....how many phases will there be and what will they be like?  No clue - I have no clue.  All I do know is that when I wake up in the morning I have a blessed life (whether it is a good day or a bad day)....please Lord help me not to waste any of my time.  Steven Curtis Chapman says it beautifully in one of his latest songs "Yours" - in the verses he is describing life around the world as well as his own.   Unbelievably, even after the death of his daughter Maria, he added yet another verse to this song and still sings it.   It is the chorus that I think is a wonderful tribute to God and my prayer for my life - no matter what Phase 4 brings.

"It's all Yours God, Yours God, 

everything is Yours

From the stars in the sky to the depths of the 

ocean floor

And it's all Yours God, Yours God,

everything is Yours

You're the maker and keeper,

Father and ruler of everything

It's all Yours......

It's all Yours, God

The glory is Yours, God

All the honor is Yours, God

The power is Yours, God

The glory is Yours, God

You're the Kind of Kings and Lord of Lords 

And the greatness and power, and glory, and 

splendor, and majesty

Everything is Yours

It's all Yours

We are Yours

The glory and honor is Yours, 

everything is Yours

It's all Yours God

My life is Yours, my heart is Yours

My hands and my feet are Yours

Every song that I sing

It's all Yours, all is Yours

All belongs to You

Our gifts are Yours, God

All our dreams are Yours, God

All our plans are Yours, God

 This whole earth is Yours, God 

Everything is Yours

first week

Well I am going to hurry up and post about this week before the "honeymoon phase" ends!  We started school Monday after a few weeks of the kids begging to get going.  I could have put it off longer but had no good reason to wait.  (Mental note to self:  begin school immediately after the Homeschool Convention - and don't go on vacation after that......because you lose your "umph"!)  The kids were so excited they got up early and made breakfast (egg toasters)!  Before we got started with our school work I wanted to get a "first day picture" before anything started to go south.  Well Jonathan immediately was not pleased with the plan.  He cried every time we tried to get him in the picture, then Allie started to cry because she was hot and sweaty.  Before long kids were crying and complaining and I was shouting, "just be quiet and smile and look happy!" (the perfect family).  After surviving the photo shoot I think the kids were glad to come in the cool house and sit down and work!  First comes bible time - though as you can see from the photos, Jonathan seems closed to hearing God's word.  The majority of the time he sat with his hands over his ears.  After that, while the other kids worked individually, Allie and I had a little preschool time......which Jonathan thought he DID need to be involved in.  After storytime I decided naptime was calling for him - so exit Mr. Busybody.  The 4 ring circus was reduced to a 3 ring circus - which actually turned out to be more manageable than I had anticipated.  In fact I wouldn't call it a circus at all - we had fun and got a lot of work done.  I thinking there may be hope......

It is such a joy to have 2 independent workers who can read and write!  How did that happen? I am here to say to all you mommas out there who have so many little ones you are trying to school:  It is true every year gets easier as they get more independent.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel!  I'm not saying it is easier every day - only the days no one throws up, no one pulls all the cleaner out from under the bathroom sink and pours it on the floor, no one cries because they can't remember their math facts, no one punches their brother, and mom doesn't stay up until midnight watching the Olympics.  SERIOUSLY - I can say that after about 5 years of trial and error some things are beginning to click - why?  I couldn't say for sure but maybe never giving up - not losing sight of why we are homeschooling - constant asking of forgiveness from my kids -consistently running back to the Lord - recognizing the negative and discouraging thoughts in my head for what they are (attacks from the enemy) - and well, a GREAT husband :)

More often then not, I have felt like a failure.  In my darkest times, Merl encouraged me not to work so hard on avoiding failure - but to focus on our vision for our kids and help them strive for success.  I'm still going to make mistakes - but every morning provides a new start.

" I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.   I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.  Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."  Lamentations 3:19-26

Chapmans on Larry King Live

OK - So we don't have cable so I missed seeing this live but got some links to the family's appearance with Larry King Live - it is even more amazing than the GMA piece.  I guess I am posting it wondering if their story can encourage someone - Steven and MaryBeth, not to mention their amazing kids are so genuine and good with words to describe their faith.  Each segment is between 5-8 minutes long - but no commercials.  Blessings -

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

a walk of faith

In case you missed it, Good Morning America interviewed Steven Curtis Chapman and his family this morning on their show.  It is the first interview they've done since little Maria, their 5 year old daughter went home to be with Jesus.  Click here to go to an article about it and watch the video of the entire interview.  The piece tells the whole story and I think it was well done.  The Chapman family's faith reminds me of Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  The Life Application Bible commentary states:  "Two words describe faith:  sure and certain.  These two qualities need a secure beginning and ending point.  The beginning point of faith is believing in God's character - he IS who he says.  The end point is believing in God's promises - he will DO what he says.  When we believe that God will fulfill his promises even though we don't see those promises materializing yet, we demonstrate true faith (See John 20:24-31)." 

 I have not experienced grief like this family - but to me they exemplify what true peace in the Lord Jesus can look like in the midst of tragedy:  being broken and grieved to the core - but still having a hope in something greater than ourselves.  I have also seen this lived out in dear friends around me who have been through GREAT suffering.  It has been inspiring to watch them walk through loss and still believe that the Lord loves and cares for them - and has the BEST plan for them even if it is clearly not what they'd choose.  While I've exercised this in simpler ways in my life it seems ultimately amplified in death.  This is the ultimate test of faith in so many ways.

Well - life is not as simple as a blog - there are a lot more questions and truths.  Believing that God exists is only the beginning.  God will not settle for basic acknowledgment of his existence.  He wants a personal, dynamic relationship with me that will transform my life.  As I continue to seek God,  I continually find that I am rewarded with his intimate presence. 

Hebrews 11:6 "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

the last hurrah

Day 3 (Saturday) Our last full day in San Diego was full for sure - and of course the last day of vacation can never last long enough!  We all slept late recovering from the day before.  We were planning to meet Bryan and Karen at their hotel to swim after breakfast so we started off - depending on Merl's handy iPhone to give us accurate directions to the hotel.  When we got to what we thought was near the hotel we called them to say we couldn't quite find them - maybe had made a wrong turn.  Yikes - we were completely off course and not anywhere near them.  But we were near to Coronado Island where we'd hoped to sun at the beach that afternoon so we decided they would load up and come meet us.  While we were waiting we walked around the harbor - and checked out the USS Midway - wow what an awesome sight that was!  I've never seen an aircraft carrier in person and it was truly amazing.  Madison took the picture of Merl and I in front of it and then of the huge statue.  After a few hours we were in the car trying to coordinate by phone with B & K ....... Merl commented, "What DID we do before cell phones?"  To which I replied....."We checked and made sure exactly where we were going!" - just for the record however the mistake was the iPhone directions, not Merl's.  We spent a few more hours looking for parking spaces, standing in line at Subway, unloading the car, walking to the beach, playing, loading back up, walking some more, and taking people to the bathroom.  Did I already mention that I can't stand sand?  We finally made it back to the hotel to swim.  I personally believe it was under 80 degrees which means Tracy doesn't swim so while everyone else braved the cold hotel pool - chicken me went to the hot tub!  We capped off the night with a late dinner and headed back to our "home base" (my aunt and uncle's).  Overall -  a great trip to visit with family and spend time together just the 6 of us too.  It is a blessing to get away.

So now it is back to reality:  we live in an oven (and like it for the most part!), we have some laundry to do, and school needs to get started soon.  The kids have been begging for school to start - I am the hold up right now.  I always feel like there is just more organizing I could do - clean out one more closet - rearrange one more shelf......I think that is all really not the issue.  The bottom line is I enjoy the relaxed schedule of the summer:  sleeping in, iced coffee, errands anytime we want, library day every week, visiting and swimming with friends, more iced coffee, extra time for reading and computer, vacations and lots of iced coffee!  Don't get me wrong - it is not that I don't enjoy the school year.  I look forward to reading more to the kids, getting back to teaching, and all the fall activities like sports, PE class, and ballet.  I was really raring to go after the convention but our little jaunt to San Diego disrupted my enthusiasm.  I think I need a few days of getting the books out, teacher manuals, rearranging furniture, and goal setting - and more iced coffee.  That should do it. 

"Lego" your money - (aka "Legoland")

I can't take credit for the title - Merl's brother Bryan is the one who renamed Legoland......but it was true for sure!  Lego your money was Day 2 of our San Diego adventure and boy did we get our money's worth!  We arrived at 9:30am (opens at 10am) because after 15 years of marriage Merl has learned that one way to reduce stress is to get Tracy to where we are going EARLY.  We were meeting Merl's much older (just kidding) brother Bryan and his family from LA there.  Surprisingly (sorry B&K but its true!) -  Bryan, Karen, Sydney, and Mackenzie got there when we did!   By the time we unloaded all six of us, 3 bags, 2 towels, 6 extra pairs of water shoes, snacks, water bottles and put the double jogger together - oh and slathered with sunscreen - it was 10am - time to go in!  Madison and Ryan had spent many hours researching Legoland and studying the park map online so they knew just where they wanted to go first - and so it began....rollercoasters, driving cars, flying helicopters, getting wet in the water rides, playing in the fun play areas, fun with cousins, and lots of walking and standing in line.  Oh I also forgot the Granny's apple fries, ice cream, and pizza - not to mention the at least 20 trips to the bathroom (6 people multiplied by 3 times each and add in an extra few).  

I feel compelled to describe some of the pictures (If you click on the pictures your computer should enlarge them):  (1) Uncle Bryan, Sydney, and Madison on the log ride (2) Beautiful woman in the lovely beach hat (oh - just Tracy) - realizing that her water "cannon" is spraying the photographer (her handsome husband) AND the camera with water at the same moment that he is snapping the picture! (3) Two exhausted sweeties who have no problem sleeping where needed - they slept almost 2 hours in the stroller.  (4) Do you see that little head sticking up at the top of the roller coaster? - that is Merl and Ryan is next to him.....the drop on this was more than it seems.  While waiting for them I practiced getting a close up action shot of the car halfway down the drop.  I got a beautiful clear picture of complete strangers - but when it came time for Merl and Ryan's car - couldn't get it zoomed in time.  I was furious I missed the shot.  Of course "Lego your money" didn't miss the shot and had a hilarious picture of them screaming for their lives - $$$$$ please.  We ALMOST bought that picture but of course just couldn't "lego" of our money.  I fumed about the missed picture all the way until the next day when Bryan and Karen surprised us with the photo - very sweet - thanks guys again.  (5) On our way out of the park at 8pm - still smiling! (6) Allie and Mackenzie (7) Merl and Allie (8) Madison and Sydney pulling themselves to the top of the ride (9) Race car Ryan (10) Two brothers having fun.  

We rode rides until 8pm when they closed all the rides - but then if was off to the giant gift shop at the entrance.  Madison, Ryan, and Allison had been saving their allowance and even worked extra jobs to accrue a large sum of money so they could "lego" of it here.  At 9:15  (1 hour later) we emerged from the gift shop (the very last patrons) with their prized purchases......Ryan with a mug and keychain, Madison a mug, and Allison a necklace and lego shaped ice cube tray (makes lego ice cubes).  I was actually pleased watching them carefully view all the items, add up the amounts, and exercise self control.  Overall they were completely appalled at the high prices and refused to pay them!  All of them walked out with much more money than they spent.  Nice job guys!  So.....after changing out of our wet clothes and going to the bathroom one last time......we were literally the LAST people out of the park gates - and the last 2 cars in the parking lot.  We pulled out at 9:30 pm - exactly 12 hours after arriving.  Goodbye Legoland.......we got our money's worth.