proud to be an outlaw - Part 1

My "Miller" sister-in-laws and I have a joke that we are "outlaws" in the family......"blame it on the outlaws" we always say....in fun of course. This weekend however, I caught myself not feeling like an "outlaw" at all - in fact I almost forgot I wasn't born into this family.....amazing. The saying goes...."You are marrying the individual, not the family." I would contend that is not completely true.....An individual carries with them a portion of the history and patterns of their family at least - even though they may be living a different way. And, if a spouse would like to remain close to their family - then you are marrying into it. In my case I am thankful to have become a Miller by marriage.

The Miller family reunion was this past weekend in Albuquerque, New Mexico. My father-in-law Bill's family has gathered every 3 years for the last 50 years or so. Bill is one of 14 siblings. Yes - you read that right - 14! There are 29 years between the oldest and youngest siblings.


The amount of history and heritage in this family is rich - and seems never ending. Each year I've been officially a Miller (17 years) I have learned more - but there is a lot to discover! With 14 children comes a multitude of tales to tell....

Six years ago we attended a reunion for the first time in Iowa. Prior to going I tried to study the family directory so at least I could learn the siblings' names and understand who I was talking to. Even Merl had to bury himself in the book! My first reunion was an interesting experience, but little did I know it was only really an introduction. I barely became familiar with all Merl's aunts and uncles - and only got to visit in depth with a few. It was also a cross-cultural experience as I was privileged to understand more about the Mennonite community there in Iowa where many of the relatives live.

This year Merl's parents were hosting the reunion in New Mexico and were thrilled that all 14 siblings attended along with a number of their families. There were 75 total people who participated. I loved walking around and observing the different siblings reconnecting after several years of separation.

It was funny because most of the aunts and uncles knew who I was, but as I would be speaking with them my mind would be racing through the names in my brain in order to figure out who they were and then where they lived! Forget the next two generations.....I had no idea who everyone belonged to! Thankfully this family has this figured out, so we all had nametags identifying ourselves to make the process easier.

A family tree was taped to the wall so throughout the weekend it could be completed.

It is difficult really, to express all the dynamics and emotions of the weekend. The family is rich in Christian heritage, history, heartache, and stories. The patriarch, William Miller was born in 1899 - and because of the untimely deaths of 2 of his wives there were 3 "waves" of children born . Bill's (my father in law) mother was the first, and died at a young age of cancer.

William's second wife died in childbirth, leaving him with 7 young children to raise on his own as well as maintain the farm. As a result, the 7th child, Daniel was placed for adoption with a neighbor in the community so he could be cared for. Amazingly - this son attends the reunions - loved just as he had been under the same roof with his siblings all along. His heart is filled with gratitude - coupled with pain and then understanding of the difficult situation surrounding his birth. Sitting and visiting with him, brings me to tears almost every time.

Lydia then married William and accepted his children as her own. She then gave birth to seven more - the final "wave". One of the siblings marveled at the fact that the words "step-brother" or "half-sister" were never used. They are all just brothers and sisters. Each child's experience in the family was different because of when they were born and it was an honor to sit and listen to them share their stories from growing up. Sometimes the other siblings did not know about the events because they weren't at home at the time.

The love and connection between the families was moving. Their commitment to each other inspiring. The love expressed toward our family was sweet. Strong family connections I am convinced takes forgiveness, perseverance, self sacrifice, and generosity..... just to name a few. Something worth pursuing .......

hello, summer!

My thought is that once it hits 100 degrees - it is officially summer here.....that day has come and gone so bring it on! We had such a GORGEOUS May - cool days and nights and it is still beautiful at night even now. We are still not sweating in every crevice of our body yet, so hey - life is good! Most people with pools around here swim in late April or early May - I prefer to wait until it is over 100 and the water is warmer....I am wimpy. By that time our neighbors and friends are ready for visiting swimmers anyway and we are free to play.

School is done for us - 2 months off so we can swim, play, and mom can tackle the home projects. We are looking forward to a trip to Albuquerque and San Diego this summer and maybe a camping trip.

Jonathan and Allison just finished their first 2 weeks of swimming lessons....

Madison is starting up with swim team again......she always comes out of the pool with a smile and hearty appetite!

Ryan joined "Splashball" - a program with USA water polo that introduces the game of water polo to younger kids. He loves it!

We are looking forward to a summer of family time and a relaxed schedule.........love it!

pliable with the plans

I have been thinking about writing a post about time management/planning for awhile now - even had it half written....but unfinished. Just a few thoughts were floating around my head....but nothing real newsworthy.....A friend of a friend however, just did a post on list-keeping and priorities that I related to and she invited other bloggers to share their experiences.....hence this post.

I am finding there are a variety of life experiences which cause people to try and prioritize life. Moms everywhere try and figure out where doing the dishes falls in relation to reading books, giving hugs, and digging in the dirt. I have always been a list/performance/type A driven person. I like accomplishing things and the more "worthy" they are the better.

Transitioning from the workplace home was a dilemma in some ways for me. My beefy planner was not needed at first - with ranking of priorities, multiple tabs, umpteen calendars, etc. I didn't even need a calendar at first because life was so simple....but that soon changed and as we began homeschooling and I was involved with all kinds of ministries, etc. I tried for years to find the "right planner".

Soon I realized the planner wasn't the issue - I was. I was naturally driven to do the "list like" things.....i.e. housework, phone calls, bills.....things I could check off. I neglected "fun and spontaneous like things" such as listening to my kids, having picnics, and playing with shaving cream. Women in my life always told me - "Enjoy this time....they grow up so fast!" or "The dishes and housework can wait!" While I knew this in my head I could not put it into practice real well. At the end of the day, I needed to check my boxes! Even though the boxes on my to do list were checked, I felt like a failure because I knew the wise women in my life were right.....I needed to truly ENJOY this time.

Several years ago I experienced a scare with one of the kids which was effective in changing my perspective. By God's grace, my eyes were opened and I began to try and approach days differently. Not like I've figured it out or anything - and it seems I am still trying to understand what "it" looks like! What DOES it look like to make the most of my time with my husband and kids, effectively homeschool, run a household, be available to others, contribute my time to a church body, connect with neighbors, and still get appropriate sleep? I looks different for me than for others - but I agree with Genevieve... I need to adhere to the plan that God gives me each day.....and often it is different than what I had mapped out.

Here is what I've learned:

1 - I MUST commit to getting up early to have time with the Lord - reading my Bible, praying, or reading in the areas of parenting, marriage, etc. This is something that has lagged when all the kids were younger and I wasn' t sleeping through the night.

2 - I MUST hold on loosely to my "plan", trying to be flexible - go with the flow - or accept change. I am trying to say "yes" more to the kids than "no." Therefore we have had afternoons in the mud, shaving cream slip and slides, cookies in the afternoon, and today: a bird with a broken leg in a box in the garage!

3 - I MUST have a different way of "planning". This past fall I bought a new planner.....I am a plannerophile......I love them and am always trying new ones! So I bought "The Well Planned Day planner but it turned out that I didn't plan my weeks much - which I don't think was the intention of the creators!

Turns out, it ended up being a record of what actually happened! Like Genevieve, I found this to be refreshing and the key to making my "box checking addiction" happy!

When I start a fresh week.......

I plan our dinners for the week, pencil in our appointments, and a loose to do list......but as the day/week goes by I fill in what we actually accomplished in our school subjects, around the house - or whether we even made it to our extra curricular activities! There are stickies everywhere and I even use white-out! (That is because I am neurotic!) By the end of the week - I have had the joy of filling in lots of the spaces and at least it LOOKS like we accomplished something! In the end, I also have a record of all the special/normal things we did for the year.

4. I MUST learn to adjust my expectations.....all the way around. When I get up in the morning I look forward to time alone....but if it doesn't happen I try to give extra hugs or use the time positively another way - if we don't get to Spelling - than ok.....I fill the space out anyway - with whatever took its place! And when I am looking forward to the best laid plans.....I try to hold on loosely.....in case it doesn't come to fruition. I can rest in God's sovereignty - He knows what is best for me.

5. I MUST be ADAPTABLE and spontaneous - I know I said it more than once......

6. Most of my house MUST be clean......ok - this is just me - so sorry! I'm just sayin' I don't think this applies to everyone - but for me when I go to bed, things must be straightened, the dishes done, etc. Better in the long run for the sanity.

7. My brain MUST compartmentalize, therefore I have lots of "themed" lists. I have housework lists, school lists, party planning lists, project lists, vacation lists, whatever is coming up lists! If I can get everything in my head on paper than my brain is free for other thinking and less irritation.

My prayer is that at the end of this season of life I will able to look back and say...."I spent all the time I possibly could with my kids and delighted in it!" I also hope I will have been able to let go of my agenda each day in order to be available for the needs of others.....that I was pliable....willing to change myself as well as my "itinerary".

I think I'd better go make a "How to be pliable" list!

3 for 3

Just this past week another Miller kiddo has learned to ride a bike.....in less than an hour! So that makes 3 for 3 kids learning in the absence of training wheels - kind of a funny joke around here. I have always sort of had the unwritten rule of "no training wheels"..... I'm not really sure how it started....when Madison learned she was pretty fearful and tearful....say what you will, I was not very sympathetic....I knew if I could get her over the hump.....she'd be so proud she'd forget all about her woes. I was right and she too learned in short order - about an hour.

I've had a few "looks" over the philosophy from friends.....and when it comes to swimming lessons have been criticized for pushing my kids through lessons regardless of their tears. My reasoning has always been that kids sometimes need a little pressing through a fear - and that when they come out on the other side their confidence is that much more strong and character steadfast! It hasn't always been the case, but for the most part proven true with our kids.

Just a few months ago I tried working with Allie but she didn't quite have the hang of it yet. The kids have been more into their razor scooters so we had kind of delayed learning to ride a bike for her! Over time I began to soften, so when she came to me holding a pair of training wheels last weekend asking if I would please put them on her bike I consented, but sent her to her dad to do the deed. About a half hour later she came bounding in saying, "Momma! Come watch me ride my bike!" "Great!" I said, half expecting to see her ride with the training wheels on.....but much to my surprise away she rode on her own! And as you can see, she is beaming!

Great job persevering, Allie!

Muvver's Day

Had a nice "Muvver's Day" yesterday as it was called by the younger ones around here.....I felt honored in many ways. It is truly a privilege to be a mom - I think I realize that more with each passing year. Too bad sometimes I think young mom's are so wrapped up in the daily aspect of things they cannot enjoy the younger years of their kids' lives fully until they have passed. I think I WAS one of those young moms - but have crossed into the "older mom" category. Not all bad I am figuring out, as wisdom is helpful.

These four beauties pictured below are a blessing and without them where would I be? I pray that women all over felt honored yesterday. Mother's Day has an effect on many women - I hope those longing with their hearts to be moms were encouraged and not overlooked, those who have heroically placed their children into the arms of other parents to raise were recognized and not forgotten. I pray that daughters committed themselves to appreciate their moms more and spend more time with their grandmothers. And hopefully, those who are mother's currently in the trenches were inspired to dig even deeper and benefit from the windfall of mothering....

My treasures:

joy

I don't know how else to describe it: friendships that are just comfortable and natural = joy. Transparency, honesty, time, and care is required.....but it is worth it! We are blessed to have many friendships like this - but it is always a bonus when it is family. My cousin Duane and his family of five have been visiting from Colorado the last few days and we have so thoroughly enjoyed it. Our children just click - regardless of the fact that sometimes a year or more goes by without seeing each other. We have done lots of eating and playing!

Yesterday we hiked at Papago Park with the intention of getting really hot and then heading over to the Tempe Town Lake Splash park to cool off. Unfortunately I misread the website and didn't realize it wasn't open until this weekend......so the kids were disappointed when we arrived and saw maintenance men in the splash area instead of other children and water!

We were determined however to think of some sort of alternative - so the kids brainstormed and decided to run through the sprinkler and play shaving cream baseball.......I had no idea what shaving cream baseball was - but Madison and Ryan did and told me all we needed was trash bags, duct tape, and dollar store shaving cream. I can do that.

The kids made a "slip n slide" with the bags for the slide into home......and they all worked together on it....set it up and the rest is history. Sorry there are so many pictures - just couldn't narrow it down!

Assembly

Applying the shaving cream

Studying the shaving cream

Totally

Fun!

Blissful Boy

I love how the kids just play forever - working together and making lego creations, or playing board games, or sitting and eating popsicles and chatting.....

It is a big effort for their family to make the two day drive here. But I think relationships are worth it - visits with Granny and other extended family - and encouragement of one another for the parents and kids. Priceless.

versatility

Versatility......I think it sounds much more grand and mature than flexibility - or adaptability. If one were to take a college course for it maybe it would be called "Versatility Studies 101". Is there a university that offers anything like that? Maybe mine did but since at the age of 18-21 I knew all there was to know I overlooked it. In actuality I think most of us are fairly compromising when we don't have a spouse or kids - whatever is good for ME goes. So maybe a college course on this topic wouldn't fly.

It seems to me however, there are a lot of character lessons I am learning in the latter part of life that really would have been easier to learn at a younger age. It has also become evident that one of the primary lessons learned in a homeschool is, in fact.....flexibility. I realize this lesson can be learned elsewhere - our homeschool is clearly the place I am learning the art of adaptability.

Those of us who have a high need to write everything down and know the plan are particularly susceptible to difficulty in this area. We are prime for a complete meltdown when the agenda needs to be altered.

Today was such a situation. I had this week all planned out - at least my target goals, you know. The only problem was......I didn't pencil in around 4 hours for taking the dog to 3 different vets - with all the kids in tow! I won't torture anyone with the story - it really isn't that interesting and in fact I didn't even throw a fit like normal!

Why? I am trying to practice joy in all circumstances you see.....testing 1,2,3. Wow, and guess what? Since I didn't have a cow, neither did the kids. They were unbelievably patient - almost impossibly. Thank goodness for McDonald's ice cream cones at the end of the long haul!

After returning home I could not seem to reel everyone in for school time.......therefore, plan B was put into motion. Today we studied flexibility.......Definition: ready and able to change so as to adapt to different circumstances. Suggested response: positive attitude - raised voices not recommended. Line of defense: Be ready to launch another plan.

There are other "arts" I'd rather study than that of versatility.....or having joy in unforseen circumstances.....but it is evident those were not on the syllabus today. That's ok.......God is still GOOD.....and I am still learning!