People say that "life is a journey"......and well, yes, I guess we do go from one thing to another - traveling around from event to event. But what is the meaning of it all - and true value of our life? Seems we ponder these things more as we grow older......wiser......as we have more days on earth to look back on than we do to look forward to. I have been reflecting quite a bit on my existence as I've been reading through "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. She seems to have asked a lot of the same questions as I have over the past years.....so her story resonates with me.....
"Which road through this brief land? What is all most important? How to live the fullest life here that delivers into the full life every after?"
"How do we live fully so we are fully ready to die?"
I've always wanted to make a mark on the world - but now that a large portion of my life is behind me - what to do with the future? Ann discovered that.....
"Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo---the table of thanksgiving."
Could I have wasted a large portion of time with ingratitude? YES.
"Eucharisteo---thanksgiving---always precedes the miracle."
Ann shares in her book that she spent ....."All those years thinking I was saved and had said my yes to God, but was really living the no."
I think to an extent I have done the same. While appearing happy and joyful on the outside - still inside I had questions and doubts. Not particularly a bad thing - but I was not always giving God the glory and credit for all He has done in my life. So Ann wondered....."How in the world , for the sake of my joy, do I learn to use eucharisteo to overcome my one ugly and self-destructive habit of ingratitude with the saving habit of gratitude---that would lead me back to deep God-communion?"
She began a list of a thousand things she loved. Simple....true....life changing. And so I too awhile back began my list. And I will admit it has been a struggle - since in my flesh I am so prone to the negative. I realized how hard it was to list the things I love! How could it be when there are so many? But I continue to persevere because I want to fight to "live fully where I am."
On this (birth)day as I consider the 41 years I have finished, I want to look ahead.
"I press on t take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me....I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12-14)
I want to remember God's gifts to me in the past years - and give Him glory and praise for his blessings now. So an excerpt from my gratitude journal.....
#56 - Birthday love notes from loving and unique children....await me when i wake up.
#57 - Grandpa and grandson working together on a dream treehouse.....
#58 - Organization.....peace.
#59 - siblings rejoicing in the accomplishment of another - and anticipation of time spent together.
#60 - precious friend remembering birthday and sweet delivery of flowers......
#61- Loving husband baking cake (for first time in our 18 yrs. of marriage!) on the night before my day and his departure from home so kids could decorate and give birthday love......
#62 - Free dinner on your birthday at Joe's
#63 - Grilled chicken and sweet potato fries......enough said.
#64 - Another year to blow out birthday candles....
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